Awareness

He saw his daughter. He said hi. Froggy. Raspy. But a voice.

He was brought to the edge of the bed and sat there... without support. His head held higher than usual. Wobbly. Unsure. Determined. 

He accomplished another couple rounds of breathing treatments. Huffing. Puffing. Stressed by the uncontrollable pressure of it. But not as exhausted by it.

Eye contact. Focus in and out, like one of his camera lenses. Choice to look.. or look away. What to focus on. Or not.

Mittens. Because he is so active with his hands, fingers and arms, the medical team prescribed mittens to stay on so he cannot grip the trach. He is aware of the restriction...he hates those things.

The nasal feed tube is gone, so he can't grab that anymore. That was the biggest iritant With its peeling sticky tape and tabs that must have tickled his upper lip just like a gnat. Late night, middle of the night surgery got rid of that tube, and now he has a gastric tube... G tube to supply the protein and water he needs.

The medicines are also administered through the g-tube. You would think it wouldn't be a problem, but he can feel all that pumped into his stomach and fusses and scowls. He always does have a problem taking even vitamin supplements without enough on his stomach. That must feel awful.

His right leg bouncing in the bed with the annoyances. The frustrations.

But...he is aware. He is aware of all this and more. Very hard to watch. But, joyful in that he is aware. His awareness will help launch him forward to go towards the finish lane of recovery.

Medical team input: " no change" 

I guess if you look at all of his vitals, which remain quite stable, and that he does not cooperate with their every request, they might be right. But, they're not. He is aware.

His job right now, his race is to help us. Yes! Be annoyed! Be aware, Jim!