Jim-isms, Vol. 2

 The healing continues. All the care Jim took of his body and mind during his pre-April 15th life is paying off. Muscles are slowly but surely filling in, strength is building, balance is better, and weight is being added in a good way. Muscles weigh more than fat.

I finally got some additional approved exercise to do on our own in the room. I do, however have to let Jim think it's mostly for me. I get benefited by doing stretch bands and leg lifts, but the best benefit is his improvement. As to my exercise routine, I've never picked up so many things off the floor in my life! When Jim is done with a paper towel or cookie wrapper...floor. Sometimes he aims for the waste basket or a counter. Operative word.... aims. Giving him credit though, there have been many two pointer baskets. And, an occasional three pointer. There are a few other physical ability expansions, but right now napping is still his favorite activity. And, that's fine. The brain takes a tremendous amount of energy to heal, so napping and rest are extremely important. And, it must be helping, because his mental abilities are also expanding.

Humor, a high level of complex and divergent thinking, has been coming back full throttle. Lots of typical Jim subtle, under the radar, dry humor. And, for your funny bone and sense of wow, enjoy some words and phrases... Compliments of Jim.

Nullify. 

Rectify.

Mitigate.

Obscure.

Bogus.

Paramisium. ( One of my absolute  favs!)

As I took a paper towel to throw it away, he looked to see what I was doing. " That is still blow nosable."  

Showing him a photo of a beautiful lizard I had seen on the patio and identified as a Texas Spiny Lizard, he told me he had seen them there before by the lemon tree, but he didn't want to tell me so I wouldn't be scared. He was referring to the time he brought a dead snake in the house. A "treasure" from a run. That did not go well for him.

Looking at one picture board I made, "I think this will all make better sense if I can identify every picture and location."

Archimedes...and the number 6. (!!!!!)

I brought a treat from home. Those delectable cranberry almond wafers that come three in a wrap. He was enjoying one and decided to dip it in the left over meat juices on his plate. "The sweet will be mitigated by the dressing."

Well...ok then.

Complexity

 There is a tactic and game, if you will, used in teaching communication skills. Corporations used it years ago. Marketing companies and staffs made a point of this demonstration to help people realize how the words they say... in the sequence that they say them... can be perceived by the listener. Now, the listener. That's a whole other story. Culture. Experiences. Attitude. Ego. Willingness. Even profession. These and more all influence the interaction. I think willingness and attitude are most paramount and can override all the other influences and bring people together and create understanding. You can have all the tactics in the world, but the smartest of people, with marked successes, and take away the willingness or add an ego based attitude, and there is no conversation. Just words with an imaginary pointy finger.

So... this game. The first time I saw this, I thought it was going to be so simple, but found that it helps you realize that blank spaces within conversations are filled in, if not by you, then by the listener, and sometimes the conversation can take on a very different direction that intended. The man stood in front of the group of us. He took off his sports jacket, properly folded it and laid it neatly on the table beside him. Casually, he asked a person to teach him how to put the jacket on as if he had never worn one. Without asking him first to pick up the jacket, the participant started to instruct him to put his arm in the sleeve. So there he was...jacket on the table...wrong end of the sleeve...and a limp sleeve... laying on the table. And the hilarity started. New participants were calling out how they thought the man should go about the process. After being inside out, upside down, backwards, twisted and crumpled for at least fifteen minutes, he finally had the jacket on and buttoned. But there was not a direct path from the table to the proper way of wearing it.

This game can point out a lot of things. Sometimes too many words clog the conversation when the intent was to be thorough and informative. "You had me at hello." No need to go on and define hello. Or so few words that someone might misinterpret that as your disinterest in the whole thing.

Reading the daily communications, both verbal and physical that Jim gives can be very tricky. You really have to be careful not to interject your own interpretation or shortcomings on to him. Sit back. Pay attention. Apply some logic, but also think out of the box. If you only apply a labeled medical condition and Googled answers to Jim's actions or words, you could be missing the whole point. You could be trying to put on the jacket without first picking it up off the table, applying someone else's predictions and so-called knowing to an individual who will set his own medical records. There are libraries of books and studies and medical records, broken and explored by one individual or another... setting yet another precedence for the next guy, if you care to consider.

And, that listener? Maybe the entire conversation was adapted to the listener. Now... That is interesting.

There is nothing simple about this entire process and journey that we are on. It is layered complexity. There may be too many words or not enough, and lots of so-called conversations, but I know that the jacket will be worn properly. And, he will look good.

B-bye

Good bye G tube!!!!! Thanks for providing nutrition for Jim when that was an absolute necessity. But, you have been replaced by improved health, willingness and desires to hold a fork, chew and swallow.

So now....you are outta here!

B-bye.

Slivers

 I've been looking at the moon the last several nights. Over the years, Jim and i have gotten some really nice photos of the moon. Fat and full. With craters and shadows. Eclipsed. Bright white and harvest orange. He has used my shoulder to quiet a long camera lens and assure a steadier shot. He would tell me when... and I would hold my breath and try not to move. Click. Click. Check the screen and shoot again if he didn't like it.

We have been in simple places and grand places. Small East Texas towns. Canyons and National Parks. Big Sky country. And, the moon always shows up. Phases change. Position alters, but it's there.

There is something so connecting about this lighted orb. Something very personal even though the entire world shares it. A personal reminder of places and times. Certainly, it can make you feel very small in perspective of just our galaxy, but at the same time very important and intimate in terms of your own memories and appreciation.

This July waxing moon is about half light right now. First quarter. But started out as a promising curved sliver of pure light just a few days ago. Appreciated for its own beauty and shape.

Jim's progress is similar. A sliver a few days ago compared to the growth he is having this week. Bigger and brighter. Stronger. Working towards the full moon of progress on the first of August. And, then...even when the moon seems to disappear in the sky, it doesn't. It is the new moon.

Medical: Holding well.

Hopefully the g tube is removed thursday this week! Glory!

No word of the day.

But an author of the day. John Maltese. Jim is so well read that I sometimes need to look up a name that i might not be familiar with, but that he spouted out during a chat for whatever reason or association. Not the first or last time this will happen.

Slivers.

God's Ear

May 20, 2023

The significance of that day for me was that I saw Jim move 2 toes on his left foot a fraction. It was so brief...a twitch...it could have happened before without me seeing. Or at night with no one there, but I like to think it was the first time. 

May 23, 2023

Three toes. Three toes on his left foot moved purposefully and deliberately. 

May 28, 2023

All the toes on Jim's left foot stretched and wiggled...and...moving from the ankle, he shifted his foot from right to left across the bed's footboard. Muscles in his shin visibly firing and pulsing throughout the afternoon. 

Here we are. July 23, 2023

Just two months later, and this last week he has been walking, assisted about 300 feet. How amazing is that? And, what can you imagine is going to be on the calendar in another month? Physically snd mentally?

There are some who may only want to attribute these improvements to medical advancements, doctors, and the body's abilities. Certainly, these facts are all contributing elements. No doubt. Especially the body's abilities. 

God's hand. God's design of the body. God's intentions for Jim. God's ear to hear prayers. That's the meat of it. Without all of that, there would have been no wiggle.

Amused

 Jim gets really bored with TV. If it is sports, you may get his attention. Baseball for sure. He particularly loves the end of the season, into the fall when the race for the pennants and the Series is full on. Stats. Athleticism. The memories of hot dogs and cheers over the years. "Field of Dreams" good times and just simple enjoyment. He always wanted to support the Texas Rangers, and has been to dozens of games. Even singing the National Anthem with friends of the Regal Opera Chorale a few times to open the game. That...he loved. Syracuse Orange football and basketball, oh yeah. Then there is hockey. I always loved it, and he started to get hooked. It's hard to beat the rush for the Stanley Cup. We both always liked football, but we lost our oomph for it over the last several years. Especially after Peyton Manning retired. There are a few remaining great players with dignity and old fashioned,  if you will, sports conduct. But, mostly it falls under entertainment quotes now, so we watch college football for the fix.

Then there are the old good Western's. "Gunsmoke". "Wells Fargo". But, he loses interest quickly. He has repeated a grumble I have often heard over the years about the amount of junk on television.

Good movies can still get his attention. Star Wars. Jimmy Stewart films. Tom Hanks. The other evening, there was a fantasy Kung Fu type movie on that had people twirling through the air, swords flying and dragons breathing fire. Opposing leaders of warring armies,  over who knows what, and the action caught his attention. One leader was male and one was female, and they were having some kind of a conversation with subtitles and animated faces. After a few minutes, Jim looked at me and says, "Can I be the humorous guy, and you'd be the amused lady?"

That's me. Amused.

Words of the day:

Spectrum

Reconcile

Accoutrements, (as he handed me the gate belt he was wearing to give therapist a place to hold on when he's walking or to help lift him.)

Medical: holding his weight. BP is a little wacky, but that can be from the TBI.

Pray for immediate removal of the g-tube. He hasn't needed it, doesn't need it now, won't need it, and it causes him a lot of discomfort.

Equations

 It seems almost ludicrous, to use one of Jim's favorite words, to give a man, an engineer... with a genius IQ... simple math problems of 5 x 5, 10 x 3 or 100 x 2 and 300÷2 . But, when you don't even know that you're injured and have a baseline of this is who I am... this current stage... you have to start somewhere. But, it became funny pretty quickly. So I wrote down three simple problems a row. What was very interesting was that his brain automatically tried to use all three together like a major equation. And, I could see the pencil marks that that he was making and the thinking that was involved to come up with a major answer to solve that equation. So I put my fingers over the second and third problems and said, " look at you Mr. Smarty. You're trying to work all three problems together. "How about you just give me the answer to the first one?" And, he looked at me, and he said, "Because this is difficult?"... with this smirk on his face. And he wrote down the correct answer of 25. So I did the same thing for the second problem. And then the third, covering two of the three.

Since I wrote down a couple of larger numbers last week, and just asked him, "what is this number divided by two?", and he popped out the correct answer practically without thinking. So, of course, I wrote down two or three larger numbers, three and four digit numbers, asking him to multiply this or divide that. An he nailed it every time. This is complex thinking. Numbers.

He also repeated his phone number somewhere in the digits conversation. He remembered an old landline phone number of mine, which I thought was humorous. I had forgotten it.

Then I tried a simple game of hangman with a three letter word. And, whatever vowel he was going to guess, I would adapt accordingly so he was successful in figuring out the three letters. Then we went to a longer word. Circle. He did find that more perplexing. I'm not sure if it was the blank spaces, calculating the number of letters,  trying to remember all the letters he could choose, or combination of all of that. But,  not long after the hangman, he looks up and makes a comment about doing something with propension. "So",  I asked... "Is propension the word of the day?" "Yes." Smirk.

This journey. This healing. This opportunity is so fascinating. To watch this very intelligent man, calculate his way back into pre-April 15th state is such a privilege to me. As much pain as there has been, there has been joy. And pride. And wonder. Most of the time, he thinks the facility is a hotel we are staying in or an apartment. And, that illusion in itself has to be handled with care. To address why he is going to bed, and why I am leaving. Math problems are easier. But this isn't about easy. This is creating a total and delecate equation to form some kind of logic he can continue to build from. One small problem at a time until all the numbers fall into line.

Strides

Well, Jim started out the week with a bang.

Physical and occupation with therapies are in the morning. Sometimes, he is already in therapy when I arrive, and other times I'm encouraging him to wake up. He was super sleepy yesterday, hiding under his blanket tent. Shutting out whatever. Hardly an acknowledgment, let alone interest in getting up, having something to drink or think about therapies. 

Finally, with considerable encouragement just short of cheerleader pom poms and help from a nurse tech that answered the room red light, he got out of bed and got help to change. Shortly afterward the occupational therapist was popping in, smiling as usual, to go to work. Sometimes he is so concerned where I am and what i'm doing, that I stay behind in the room to hang clean laundry and organize a few things rather than tag long to therapy.

Later, I looked in on the therapy room from a distance and saw him peddling away on the bike machine with a fair amount of enthusiasm. In good hands, I left to do a couple of texts and emails.

 In about an hour, I hear his voice in the hall. And, there they go. Right on by the door to 308. Standing straight. Walking about normal stride length. No shuffling. Walker, yes. But no hands on him. No physical support from anyone. And only one therapist! Not two! Off they go, down the hall towards the nurse's station where the snack tray is strategically placed and easily seen. He snagged a package of shortbread cookies and kept going, acknowledging other patients along the way with a head nod, sometimes a wave, and a "hey, big guy". Around the station and back down the hall... all the way back to the therapy room to get weighed... and back up to the room. That's at least 300 hundred feet! No hands... and sitting for a brief sixty second break.

From sleepy to long strides. Good for a Monday morning.

Mile Markers

 It's 3 months today. The first big mile marker in this journey of change. When I look back and think about it all, days have been very full. Big things and lots of small things that swallow time. Keeping a close eye for any changes, good or bad, and trying to get anything significant documented. Staying patient. Or trying to. Staying hopeful. Regardless of the actions of others and what they may think professionally or otherwise. The small details of vital signs, movements, coloring, breathing, communicating can swallow your day as you look on. For Jim, I'm not sure how it all would be perceived. Certainly, it would change from day to day as there are so many outside influences to navigate along with the actual trauma to his body.

But there are mile markers in his life starting April 15th. Markers that noted changes, progress, signs and movements that Jim was working hard to come back fully restored. 

April 16: Dr Ghandi bedside yelled in Jim's face after not responding to gentler requests: " Mr. Williams. OPEN YOUR EYES!" And, in spite of the golf ball swelling of his lids, they popped open the crack they could. "He's in there", says the doc. "He's there." Patting him on the arm.

April 17th: meeting with Dr. Ghandi to review injuries, status, overall situation. It was clear at this point, it was time that would tell.

April 19th: undetected pneumonia. Later addressed with antibiotics over the next 10 days. 2 rounds.

April 22: opened his eyes a crack

April 23: eyes opened more. 

April 24th: eyes opened wider to see color and did some tracking

April 26th: continue to stabilize

May 2nd: move from ICU to trauma floor

May 4th: PT sat him up on the edge of the bed first time/ eyes popped open like a switch was thrown.

May 5th: doctor ( different doctor) zoom meeting for overall status, leaving ICU, probable outcome in their opinion, Bah Humbug.

May 7th: speech valve put on for minute with ST

May 8th: ice chips by mouth / responsive/ wiggled right toes on request/tried to stand up on his own/ gave thumbs up. Very interactive. Starting to mouth words.

May 10th: moved to surgical floor for removal of nasal feed tude and insert G-tube.

May 12th: mouthed words " I want you leave. I want to leave. I want to leave."

May 14th: distinctive "hi"

May 15th: sat on the edge of the bed with PT without physical support.

May 16th: PT stood Jim up, holding him bear hug. First time vertical.

May 18th: after previous denials, Jim was accepted to rehab Hospital.  Requirement of 3 hours of physical and mental cooperation from patient. 

Moved 2 toes on left foot.

Moved left leg a fraction of an inch from the hip. Voluntary movement. No one to document but me.

May 20th: move to rehab facility 

May 22nd: Moved left toes on his own. Mouthing words. Interactive. Speech valve but words not recognizable. Trach changed.

More speech valve use. Word "hi" 

May 23rd: responded " Nice to be seen. "

Read word Celebrations outloud. Started to sing.

Put in wheelchair for first time.

May 27th: more activity,  more agitation,  pulled out feed tube. To Hospital for reinsert. Alert. More legs movement. Left toes active. On video.

Trach removed. 

June 6th: great OT session. Stood up using footboard of bed. Sit squats. Side steps. 

Ate a cracker. Drank a bottle of water. Iced tea.

June 10th: great OT session. Back stretch, yoga type down dog. Watching and calling baseball plays on TV. 

June 12th: episode after move to wheelchair Dramatic Blood pressure and oxygen drop. Nasal oxygen applied. Recovery.

Same day spouted his phone number outloud. Witness.

June 15th: following lots of air writing, wrote his name with pen on paper. Unprompted. Wrote his full name in script. Reading words from nurses whiteboard.

June17th: read aloud Napoleon Hill quote posted on wall.

June 23rd: move to skilled nursing facility 

June 25th: played a few chords on the piano. 

June 26th: played more piano, requested smooth jazz for dinner music. Had questions about what was going on. More awareness.

July 27th: walking about 50 feet

July 3rd: follow up appt at JPS hospital.

July 4th: entertainer in the dining room. Jim started to sing with him and was aware of camera and posed. 

July 10th: walked 200 feet.

July 14th: follow up orthopedic appointment at JPS, xrays show hip and pelvis healing well. 

Today...who knows. 

It's difficult to convey the emotional roller coaster of these 3 months. The excitement of steps and words and strength and wit. The glimpses of fear with fevers and episodes. The trust you have to muster. But through it all, I did.. and do.. completely believe what I tell him. This...is...temporary. God is good. He will restore you and use this for a greater good. Stand on that. 

Surrender

 It's hard to know what all Jim is and may be learning on this journey. Without a doubt, there is a rebooting and reloading of learned information processed over these many years. That in itself is a mind-boggling amount of information that the brain has to come up with. There is the repair and regeneration of parts needed so the legs receive the signals they are supposed to, and the muscles fire to allow his hand to hold the dinner fork or the electric razor. The body knows what it has to do. We just need to supply the right opportunities, best guidance, necessary medical legs up, and the faith to know it will all come together.

What he's learning in other realms... at the same time the body is making repairs... is a really intriguing thought. The places where spirit talks with spirit. and energy is a fact. Not some mystical hoodoo voodoo that is man-made or found in a prescription. The elements that exist in all of us and tie us to the Creator, the Source. This place can't be silent while the body is resting and repairing. Energy is a constant. It's the life force that surges and expands as we grow, so there must be amazing conversation and teaching going on. Will he be more enlightened when his body awakens from this? Perhaps there will be a better understanding as to why bad things happen to good people, or if that even matters. Maybe there will be such a heightened awareness and gratitude, that how he got to that point is nothing more than a blip on the important scale.

I know there are times when he will mention a dream he had, or he has some thoughts that seem displaced. But after talking for a moment, we can see how it could have some importance or perhaps he is problem solving. The mind and spirit continue even into sleep to work things out, to find a solution, or temper a frustration.

Considering some of the things he has talked about regularly... especially after naps or a long night sleep... it has made me wonder about those conversations. I believe he is being consoled, encouraged and loved by family whose address is heaven. I believe there are angels specialized in healing and comfort who are busy mending and supporting his body and mind. I believe the entire process also calls for surrender. From him. And, from me. Old habits, die hard, and trying to control situations is really a detour we all take...every day. So when there is fear, or concern for any reason, instead of escalating to a state that is unreasonable or unproductive... step back. Surrender. Get out of your own way.

Gains

 Looking for treasures and blessings...no matter what... is Jim's outlook on life. Even now, without all circuits connected and some disconnected wires, he still can get excited over simple things. Strawberry ice cream. A full mug of water. Lotion on his back. Long-sleeved athletic shirts. Warm lounge pants.  Naps. 

He still knows in every part of him, that God does miracles. That God is healing him, has healed him, although he's not always sure what needs healing. "God can do anything, because he's God", he told me. And, that's the thought I asked him to hold on to when he was laying down for the night. To help God work with him to heal and restore. I remind him of all of the progress and gains he has made even if he can not gauge them right now.

Yesterday, we had more to be grateful for. He walked...with the walker... and just one hand on the belt...the length of the hall, around the central nurse's station and halfway back down the hall to the room. That's about two hundred feet. 200.

It was June 10th when he walked five steps with a walker. One month to the day.

And...ta dah...7 more pounds! Weighing in at 147! Is a gain of 26 pounds. Yes!! I've been told he won't get back to his 180 pound weight. That with TBI, we shouldn't expect that. We'll just see about that.

From time to time, I can see his frustrations and concerns about why he can't do some things. He's even made the remarks about needing to be "sharper" or playing the piano better. That's when we have another chat to remind him who he is. How smart he is. And certainly how tough he is.

Walks and weight. Gains for the day. Gains for this journey. I am so grateful for this. And, for the gains to come.

Wild Ride

 Insurance limitations. Both Medicare and the supplement have limits. Limits to the number of days at any particular facility. Limits as to what kind of facility Jim qualifies for both for insurance and for care options. Financial limits. Limits.

Everything that Jim has options for is subject to insurance qualifications at this stage. Nothing else is really in play. Even though there will be some funding coming... at some point...from the actions concerning the actual incident, none of that is available. Not now.

And, we are at another limit. Limited days at the skilled nursing facility. The number of days at one facility affects the next facility. Like a bank account of days, instead of dollars. Withdrawals and no deposits. Withdraw more at this facility... have less at the next. Until there are no more withdrawals.

Next option after insurances... Out of pocket. Deep pockets. For high quality progressive care... A closet full of pockets.

What you have to depend on are the skills and knowledge, initiative, communication skills, and connections of the caseworkers and social workers, and anyone else in charge. Any link in this chain alters the outcome to the good or not so good.

Good news, as of Saturday morning, he does not have to move today, which was a possibility. But, he may have to move Thursday. Personally, i'm hoping for a more involved facility that offers more and higher quality, interactive therapies to address where he is right now. Mentally and physically. 

So, for all of you that want to know what to do to help right now... please continue to pray for Jim. For those that are in charge of him. For their guidance. That their first concern is Jim's well being today and tomorrow. Pray for the best decisions and care for his future and full recovery and restoration. Pray for revelation. Pray for Jim's continued alertness and progress. 

While this may be a wild ride for some of us, it needs to be as smooth a ride as possible for Jim. He is over his limit of bumps, bruises, and damage for a lifetime... And then some.

Time & Space

 When you look forward to something or want something to stop, time can be multiplied and never ending. Then there are times, we all have them, when you wonder where the time went?

It's almost 3 months since the incident. And, in this journey, we experience both manipulations of time. It keeps you off balance a little. Fast. Slow. Left. Faster. Right turn. Brake. A girl could get a whiplash. From Jim's perspective, as he rewires and reboots, is it any wonder it can be 1966, 1997 and 2023 in the same day? That seems logical to me, but medically it's considered confused.

Just like all opinions, medical opinions seem to be in their own time warp. Major studies continue to widen the knowledge base specific to TBI patients, while some physicians still put limits on Jim's likeliness to improve. We just had that experience this week. But...that information from a higher up physician was completely wrong. His quoted baseline for likely recovery and expectations is for stroke victims. Not TBI. Very different. But, when you hear the information coming from that level of professional who has power in this situation, it's hard not to take it as biblical truth... even for a little bit until you do your own research. It can topsy turvy your world until you bob upright again with the help of better information and faith.

Not to leave you wondering, the studies show that TBI patients can show improvements all the way to 24 months after incident. Previous studies can limit your hopefulness  to 3 months, 6 months or at best 12 months, depending on the study.

All that aside, if you make the mistake and lump all patients and studies together, and don't look at Jim's actual progress, you can get hung up on the so called stages of progress, etc. Instead... look at the bottom line. Where he is now. What he is already accomplished makes it all part of the bigger miracle, and makes some predictions nothing but noise.

Jim's progress is now more visible and accelerating. He walked with a walker about one hundred feet, the length of the hall yesterday! He was on the bike machine for upper and lower body movement for a solid twenty minutes...without any help from the machine. He's playing more chords and longer segments on the piano... by memory and by ear. "Fly me to the Moon",  was last night's concert. He's staying awake a little longer and coming out of deep sleep a little sharper. He is eating some things that would normally make him wrinkle his nose, because his appetite is so good. As of last Monday, he gained 18 pounds. He still has a G-tube, but it is not used. It is there for precaution at this time. (and,  insurance doesn't want to pay another $2, 000 for another one it if he should need it later. ) He sang "Amazing Grace" in harmony with another patient. He's funny. Quick to make a joke. His expressions have really expanded and took over his previously expressionless face. He has become aware of the camera...and poses. ...Ham. Yes, there is still some confusion and other physical issues to regain. Yes, he is still learning words, but he starts reading them without prompt. Sometimes accurately, sometimes not.

But, God has no limitations. And, setting aside the limitations others put on him... given proper support......and the space to expand... Jim will continue to repair, restore and return. Period.

Lessons

 I am learning a lot.

Some things, I would rather not learn. I would rather not learn about what it's like to be so out of control of your life that you hang on to almost anything that seems to be a "for sure". Those are few and far between, and not so sure either. I would rather not learn about losing sleep, because the what-ifs tumble around like caged lotto balls with no where to go. I would rather not learn about insurance. Medical politics. Who can be trusted with something so precious as a life. I would rather not learn about how an ordinary evening doing the dishes after dinner and watching a silly movie together can be so deeply missed. The list is long. Very long.

But, I am learning. I'm learning it's OK to have my limits, and that some limits are really good to have. I'm learning that I should have more limits. I'm learning that I actually am stronger than I thought. In many ways. I would be o k if this one was in the "I would rather not learn" list. I'm learning that the world as a whole goes on. People are still Happy... Sad... Mean... Funny... Kind... Considerate... Inconsiderate... Generous... Self centered... Concerned with their own issues... oblivious to others. I also learned that the kindness from friends and strangers can be very real. Kindness does not need familiarity. And, it is humbling.

I've learned how to pray better. That there is no right way to pray. That God is very approachable and wants to help. That God sees sincerity and humility. I've learned more about what I believe in, and what is for appearance to others. Appearances have never mattered much to me. I have always been a little more independent, out on a limb, and less conforming than most. I really don't impress very easily. I have learned I'm still okay with that. I also learned that my instincts are generally spot on, but allow me to make a mistake and correction so that I can sharpen my skills. Trust myself more. I've learned more about coincidence, serendipity and choices.

Mostly, I've confirmed what I already knew, because I learned it in other life lessons. The more I know... The more I know that I don't know.

And one thing I am grateful to learn...the body is incredible. Forgiving. Regenerating. Plastic. Jim is recovering. He is doing the amazing.

88's

 There is a little spinet piano in the corner of the facility's dining room. Bench aside to make room for the wheelchair, Jim was right at home and leaned forward in front of the 88 keys. A few chords. The next time more chords, and looking at the old hymnal. Reading notes and song titles. And later, a few more complex chords.

Probably donated, that little piano helps change people, or at a minimum brings joyful noise. I know it sure made me happy. 

Sing

 Stay with me for a few minutes. While I repeat a few things. There's a reason.

I've bragged on Jim and his athletic abilities. Even as a kid, He was fast...really fast and excellent in track, football and even basketball. He was often written up in the local papers, and his proud mama kept every article in Jim scrapbooks. I've also mentioned how smart he is. He was in the New York accelerated education Regent program. Not an easy feat. How smart, is actually hard to gauge because of his humility and skill to interact with people. We don't all need to understand quantum physics, black holes, and engineering math for Jim to have a conversation with us. Some of his happy time over recent years has been listening to a Space and Time podcast on YouTube. Very relaxing.🙄

 But then there is music. Music is in his blood, and in his heart. What he finds difficult to express in words, he will know or find the music to express his deepest feelings. He has been able to use those talents in local musical theater over the years, singing in choirs and church services, and making up new lyrics to known music for special occasions. He knows I loved Roy Rogers. I WAS Dale. Maybe it was the horses, but there was something special about their wholesome life that resonated with me. So one birthday year, Jim, the performer had a western hat and a CD player set up in a nice restaurant to surprise me with his romantic rendition of "Happy Trails". It never occurs to him not to belt out a song even in a high end steakhouse. It's not my thing to draw attention or to be center stage, so Jim's surprises have taken some adjustment for me. Just a few months ago, we were in a little local mediterranean restaurant. He tipped the guitar player and apparently made a request. So over falafel, he serenaded me with "It Had to be You". Two ladies a few tables down swooned, and with their hands over their hearts, one with tears, I heard how lucky I am. I knew that. I know that.  But, I think it was important for Jim to say out loud how he felt.

So, I play music. Especially back in ICU days, to say things that would resonate with him and also request his brain to recognize and reach for it. I sang to him. Sometimes now, he has short song outbursts, and he'll make corny little hand gestures that he would do before to be funny. A few phrases. Words lost. Words found. One song at a time. One day at a time. Isn't God amazing?