Stubborn

 In a lot of ways, Jim is making this healing journey look easy. I'm living it. There has not been anything easy about it. So when I read back through this journal of transition so far, the real trauma of the event and current status is not fully conveyed. I chose not to do that. To layer on all the details of the incident itself...what must have been horrifying at the least for anyone who was witness...would keep me stuck in those moments that changed Jim's world. Our world. Seeing him...barely recognizable... and the hours and days to follow...and hoping it was just a terrible nightmare. But, not. Taking the smallest changes or improvements as validations to my belief that he was coming back from this. Whole. And, terrified sometimes that I was banking on a fantasy.

It would have been easy to stay in moments of fear, especially very early on as I kept waiting to wake up. Still do now and then. There is no rule book on how to handle this surreal curve ball, so your faith is really all you can count on. And, that belief is what connected me to Jim when there were no words or movement. The deep belief in his intention to heal and be well...along with his dependence on the Creator to work with him to achieve that enormous task. To expect that God has a plan for something glorious to come from all this. Allowing only these beliefs to grow and expand and surround him, snuffing any other thoughts or objectives that do not align with that expectation.

Determined? Yes. Bullheaded? Possibly. But, sometimes you just have to stand... firm... on a rock...because any other option or outcome is just not acceptable. And, if that makes either of us stubborn, I'm okay with that.