Lessons

 I am learning a lot.

Some things, I would rather not learn. I would rather not learn about what it's like to be so out of control of your life that you hang on to almost anything that seems to be a "for sure". Those are few and far between, and not so sure either. I would rather not learn about losing sleep, because the what-ifs tumble around like caged lotto balls with no where to go. I would rather not learn about insurance. Medical politics. Who can be trusted with something so precious as a life. I would rather not learn about how an ordinary evening doing the dishes after dinner and watching a silly movie together can be so deeply missed. The list is long. Very long.

But, I am learning. I'm learning it's OK to have my limits, and that some limits are really good to have. I'm learning that I should have more limits. I'm learning that I actually am stronger than I thought. In many ways. I would be o k if this one was in the "I would rather not learn" list. I'm learning that the world as a whole goes on. People are still Happy... Sad... Mean... Funny... Kind... Considerate... Inconsiderate... Generous... Self centered... Concerned with their own issues... oblivious to others. I also learned that the kindness from friends and strangers can be very real. Kindness does not need familiarity. And, it is humbling.

I've learned how to pray better. That there is no right way to pray. That God is very approachable and wants to help. That God sees sincerity and humility. I've learned more about what I believe in, and what is for appearance to others. Appearances have never mattered much to me. I have always been a little more independent, out on a limb, and less conforming than most. I really don't impress very easily. I have learned I'm still okay with that. I also learned that my instincts are generally spot on, but allow me to make a mistake and correction so that I can sharpen my skills. Trust myself more. I've learned more about coincidence, serendipity and choices.

Mostly, I've confirmed what I already knew, because I learned it in other life lessons. The more I know... The more I know that I don't know.

And one thing I am grateful to learn...the body is incredible. Forgiving. Regenerating. Plastic. Jim is recovering. He is doing the amazing.