Core

 The day yesterday was a disconnect day. Not a lot of eye contact. Not as much cooperation with the speech therapist and almost zip with the occupational therapist. It was one of those down days in some ways, not all ways. Ok. There are going to be down days. This is a tough journey. It's not all hoorays and atta-boys. Sometimes the reality of the situation has got to look like a concrete wall he has to scale from his side of the lens.

Obviously, I am reading my version into it, because I don't know for sure. But, I have a good guess as to why the spiral from blah...to... a depressed chin on a fist and head down. He started out the day being really sleepy and a little disconnected after a good session with a physical therapist early. But when OT required three people to get him in a wheelchair... he is a tall guy... and he could not move his legs as they wanted him to... I believe the smack of the current reality hit. It was head down from here forward.

We went to the gym! A gym for Jim! Right up his alley. What she was asking was kindergarten stuff to and athlete. She was wonderful at acknowledging what he had been through and what great progress he has made, then explaining the development of the core to allow the rest of the body to function as it should. Her dad was an engineer also, so she understood the intellect and success of that accomplishment along with the athlete mentality and appealed to him on that level. He could talk. But, he would not. A head nod from time to time. Just to be polite. With some efforts to change the challenge and focus, we still did not get any desire to try. Today. But, he did sit upright for over an hour, and stretched out his right leg off the foot brace. Without being asked.

On the upside... The speech valve was on all... Day... Long. And, he was on room air only... All day. No corrugated hose. At this rate, they will cap the trach. Which leads to remove the trach. Which leads to real food intake. More independence. More control over his own body and destiny. That certainly should appeal to him.

A couple small infections are under control, including pneumonia which was caught early. And, he is doing better on the protein diet than before. Still, he is down forty some pounds.

There's a lot to be grateful for. I would be really grateful for a magic wand I could wave. Fairy tale stuff. Instead, we are required to have fortitude and unshakable faith along with being in harmony of who God is. God wants the best for us. Health. Joy. Happiness. Love. But, that foundation is tested in times like these. Still...he is always giving. Always loving. And we must remain open to the receiving all that he offers in abundance. Depression. Doubt. Whining. Anger. ( long list) They are not in harmony with him and are obstacles to receiving that abundance.

So, it's okay to be mad or sad or pouty for a while. But, to receive... we must remove all obstacles... Give gratitude for what is already manifested... And believe. Or as I take the liberty with a certain scripture... Ask... And duck.